But… but it’s hard to know who I am.
…and I am trying to figure out for a while now.What did help you to find your true colors?
Let me answer with another question: why are many people lost in self-discovery?
We were “never” supposed to be authentic and know how to live our best lives, that was reserved only for some selected people. The “only way” they want you to learn about yourself is through suffering:
- Everyone is important but you
- Accept and love your family even if it‘s at the cost of your health/sanity
- Tolerate friends and colleagues who take more than they give to you
- Love partners unconditionally because “no one is perfect” and “who do you think you are to be an exception”
- Run the 9-5 rat race in the same cubicle for years and years and be ‘grateful’ for “stability and security”
Do you understand why that is the case? Do you feel the constant brainwashing to live mediocre lives? ..and do you see the suffering as a “mandatory” or “normal” part of self-discovery?
AS.
I understand. And, I understood this for many years now. And, I’ve also chosen to escape the rat race. The system. The matrix. Call it whatever you want. I decided “that’s not for me.”
Exactly, it has been and will always be unacceptable to me. This programming has caused many confused people, really feeling lost and dead inside.
What really helped me:
- Firstly, curiosity, intuition and self reflection taught me everything.
- Asking WHY and reflecting on how I FEEL when the world is trying to convince me who to be, what to think and feel.
- I keep it simple – it’s usually good or bad feeling, but I trust myself no matter what “the science says”.
- Secondly, assessing environment and people running mentioned agenda on autopilot.
- Accepting who they are, but mindfully detaching and distancing from them to create the space for those who are on the same frequency and will help you discover your best self, not the worst.
This unfortunately includes family members, childhood friends and long lasting relationships that seem ‘just ok’. Switching off social media and living real life, privately, without the need to prove anything to anyone. I firmly believe wrong environment and people horribly sabotage your self-discovery.
- Thirdly, to be super concrete (and lighthearted after difficult ones), travelling, working and volunteering remotely in the ugliest and most beautiful places.
- To see life through eyes of different people, generations, cultures, poorest and richest so I don’t have to learn on my own mistakes.
- Also, dedicating to understanding spirituality (not religion) as much as possible, from astrology to basic spiritual powers i.e. intuition.
I understand, so I’d definitely need to distance myself intentionally on consistent basis. Practice solitude, go on spiritual retreats to introspect, channel hidden/repressed emotions and nurture myself. That’s the key to my self-discovery. So, I can support and help others, but only those that actually help themselves first.
And, only after I have sufficient resources to pour from my own cup.
Yes, exactly, because you’ve seen how quickly that cup empties when one is surrounded by the wrong people… It’s never enough!
I’ll keep asking myself, what helped me so far in my journey, and what did not help me. What environment and people make me feel at best? At worst?
Trusting self and intuition can be helpful. However, that can sound ‘intangible and less practical’ for many people so I always advise to start with self-respect. “If I were a person that at least respected myself, would I allow xyz…” Respect builds trust, trust builds love.
Self-respect & Self-Love.
