Reconnecting with yourself can mean noticing the qualities you have hidden. This reflection explores what we admire or resist in other people, alongside the question of which parts of ourselves to carry forward.
Reconnecting with yourself
Does this make sense to you:
The more you hate something in someone else, the more you rejected that same trait within yourself long ago. And: The more you love something in someone else, the more you rejected it in yourself long ago.
This first one is easy and straightforward:
The more you hate something in someone else, the more you rejected that same trait within yourself long ago: My interpretation is that you learned to hate a part of yourself. Parents or teachers may have taught you to reject it. Then you notice the same trait in someone else. You might protest, “You are just projecting, that’s not me! That’s you!” But perhaps you recognise something that belongs to both of you.
So, I see a strong trigger as a reason to look inward. Have you rejected the same part within yourself?
Use that reaction to learn about yourself. Reflect on the feeling and what it brings up, rather than only on the other person.
Now the less obvious one: The more you love something in someone else, the more you rejected it in yourself long ago.
Imagine a box inside you. It holds parts of yourself you once thought were not okay to show. You loved those parts, but someone told you to stop. Maybe when you were little, someone said, “Don’t be so silly”. So you put your fun, silly side in that box and locked it away.
The traits we hide and the ones we notice
You still loved it, but someone had told you to put it away. So you followed the rule to fit in.
Now, when you see someone else being super fun and silly, you love it! That feels exciting because it reminds you of “the silly you”. You hid that part a long time ago. In this image, you love it in them because you recognise something of your own. It is waiting to come out again.
So you may ask yourself “So I loved that side always, but just put it away because I was told so? I actually never hated that part, but still rejected it?”
Yes, that’s correct. You never hated that part of yourself — deep down you always loved it.
But you depended on that person. When they said it was not okay, you felt you had to hide it. Fitting in seemed to require it.
It’s like putting your favorite toy in a box because someone said, “You’re too old for that.”
You still loved the toy. However, you put it away because you thought you could no longer play with it.
It’s time to get your toys back.
Bring that joy back into your life.
It’s time to get yourself back.
