In Hamburg, I looked at all those love locks and had one question: how many of these couples no longer even speak to each other?
Hamburg love locks and the promise after the picture
The lock is still there.
Someone chose it. Someone closed it. Maybe they meant every word of “forever”. I don’t know their stories. The question is what we do with our own promises after the moment has passed.
A symbol can stay in place without any effort from us. A conversation cannot. We have to show up for that. Listen. Say the difficult thing without turning it into a weapon. Make room for an answer.
I’m not against the romantic gesture. Put the lock there if it means something to you. But what happens after the picture?
The part I care about is the relationship when nobody is watching. Can you still talk honestly? Can you disagree without making the other person your enemy?
“Forever” is a big word. What are you doing with today?
A conversation you can have today
For example, take one promise that matters to both of you. What did you each understand it to mean? Has anything changed since you made it? Those questions invite a real answer instead of assuming that the symbol says everything.
Then bring the promise into an ordinary day. Making time to listen, following through on a small agreement or admitting that something needs attention can make the conversation concrete. The point is to understand each other, rather than to win a debate about who cares more.
However, Hamburg love locks cannot tell us which couples do any of that. I cannot read a relationship from a piece of metal. They simply prompted this question for me. The useful place to take it is back to our own words, choices and everyday conversations.
More personal reflections in Letters from Valon.
