Relationships

When your child is bullied, start with a conversation

Valon Asani · · 2 min read

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When your child is bullied, start by listening and make the next adult step clear.

My short reply about bullying began with “talk to your child”. I also suggested sports such as judo, karate or kickboxing. The first part deserves more space: a child needs to know that an adult will take what happened seriously.

It would be a mistake to turn the second part into “learn to fight and handle it yourself”. A sports class does not remove the responsibility of the adults around a child. Nor does being bullied mean the child failed to be strong enough.

When your child is bullied: listen first

Try opening with an invitation rather than a challenge: “Tell me what happened.” Leave room for the answer before deciding what the child should have done differently. The conversation should not become a test they can fail.

StopBullying.gov’s parent guidance recommends listening without blame, reassuring children that bullying is not their fault and working with the school on a safety plan. It advises against telling a child to physically fight back.

Give the next step a name

A vague promise to “sort it out” leaves a child wondering what happens next. Be specific about the adult you will contact and when you will talk again. Do not promise a particular outcome before you have understood the situation.

If you explore a sport, include the child’s wishes and choose a supervised environment that takes safety and respect seriously. The purpose is not to prepare a revenge story. My suggestion is an invitation to consider an activity, not evidence that one sport prevents bullying.

The message I want to keep from that short reply is this: be available before you become instructive. Your child should not have to earn your support by responding perfectly.

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