Relationships

Dating preferences without putting other people down

Valon Asani · · 2 min read

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The written article below is available in English, Albanian and German.

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Dating preferences can express what matters to you without putting other people down.

In this archived TikTok photo post, I explain the idea behind “Find Your One”: people should be able to make their own choices about whom they date. The caption also states clearly that we oppose racism and discrimination.

The product explanation at the time mentioned choosing an ethnic-background filter or using no such filter. This is the context of that post, not a guide to today’s settings. The broader question is how to hold a personal preference without turning it into a judgment about other people’s worth.

Express dating preferences with respect

Wanting a shared language, a familiar cultural reference or a particular kind of family life can be part of what someone looks for. It is more useful to name the thing you value than to describe an entire group as unsuitable or inferior.

Be specific with yourself too. Does “similar background” mean speaking the same language at home? Understanding a tradition? Sharing plans about where to live? Those are conversations with a person. A category on a screen cannot answer all of them.

Leave room to learn who someone actually is

Two people with the same background can want very different lives. Two people with different backgrounds can discover important common ground. You do not owe anyone a date, and nobody owes you one. Everyone still deserves respectful treatment.

The position in the original caption is freedom of choice alongside a clear rejection of racism. I want those ideas to stay together. Choose what matters to you, describe it honestly, and remember that the person in front of you is more than the label you first noticed.

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